Caution: Sleeping Dragon

Sometimes I have an ugly heart. It turns vicious and seething. I don't know what it is that makes me snap. My voice, cracking like a callous whip, lashing out toward my daughter. In these flashes of hot anger, I breathe fire upon this small, innocent girl - usually when she is merely playing and acting like a child should.     And I know it hurts. It hurts me, so I know it hurts her. Words can sting. Tone of voice can cut deep. And after the flames have rained down and I'm left holding the embers, I shudder to look back on the damage that I caused.

Within mere minutes, she is back to playing and chattering at me like a little bird. But I replay the scene... I look inward with such disgust, I can barely stand myself. I want to crawl out of my skin. In those moments of cooling, I am humbled. Embarrassed for the way that I've acted more like a child than she has. My eyes well up and tears drip down my face, acting like some sort of sprinkler system. I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want her to see the shame rolling down my cheeks.

I don't easily lose sight of how I treated her nor can I undo it. The only source of healing I can cling to is an apology. Even though she may have moved on {possibly even forgotten about it already} I kneel down in front of her soft face and gaze into sparkling eyes. And I say I'm sorry to my two year old. I look at her, into her soul, with all the warm affection that I have in me and I tell her I love her. THIS is what I want her to remember. THIS is the lasting impression I want to make.

God, teach me grace, that I may show it to my children. Make me slow to anger, that they might see Your righteousness in me.

^{James 1:19-20 NIV 19} My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,²⁰ for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.